WHY?

 _{Get crystal clear with your WHY people! Not just so that you have an answer ready for all those concerned others out there, but because it's the first step to bringing your babe into this world. I encourage being in love with your whys. EVERYTHING begins with genuine desire.}

_{Some people have babies to fill a void, an emptiness. Some have babies to fix a freaked out marriage or to placate a partner or their parents. Some join the parent club because it's what is expected of them, especially women. After all, we were born with a uterus, and why would we be gifted that garden if we weren't supposed to grow something in it right (wink)? Again, there is no shade for whatever reason/s may belong to you. My judgment of anyone flew right out the window when I decided to go down the childbearing path myself. I've done a whole lot of apologizing to the universe for being such a judgey pants to mom's on planes, to older parents, to super young parents. To parents with kids on leashes. I had a lot to say about a lot! Then I had a baby. Now I find myself saying, “I get you mama! I totally understand!”}

_{In my case, I was NOT that girl who felt I was destined to be a mother. That was my sister-friend Ange. She just knew! With or without a partner in life, Ange was going to have a baby. She, like many other women, was willing to walk the road of parenthood alone if that's the way it turned out, and her whys were solid. First, she worked hard and reached many of her career goals. Second, and this was a biggie, her mum went through menopause at 42, and she was afraid of that same thing happening to her. Third, there was a deep longing inside that she felt every time she saw a baby in someone else's arms. Angela knew that her future included being a mother.}

_{I focused on my career in the music industry and my belly button. I was fond of both of them the way they were. I didn't picture my life without being a mother, but in the same breath, REALLY could not imagine myself BEING a mother. Both scenarios were just meh! Somehow I felt like I had all the time in the world. Then BOOM I woke up and I was 47. MOTHER OF PEARL! Still, no biological clock sounds. I was living on the 36th floor of a shi-shi building in the fabulous Distillery District in Toronto. I had a flashy job creating custom entertainment for one of the top event companies in Canada. I resigned my self to be THAT AUNT with the super high heels, small dog and martini glass. Until, dah dah daaaaaah. LOVE.}  

_{I shouldn't have been surprised. I had a card reader tell me that within a year, I would marry a successful musician who I already knew. I wracked my brains, trying to imagine who that could be. I even called my successful musician, bestie Chris Willis, to tell him about the reading. That's kind of funny considering Chris and I got married one year from that call. We have looooooong history, which I'm sure will come tumbling out of me at some point cause I'm a talker! Right now, I must focus on my why story.}  

_{Back to LOVE. One year later, Christopher and I had a conversation about our lives, loves, losses, and regrets. Babies came up. Both of us discussed our love for our nieces and nephews. We talked about what we liked and disliked about not being parents. We flirted with each other about how we really should have had babies together when we met and fell in love in the '80s. We mused about what they'd look like and whether or not two singers could create a tone-deaf child. That conversation started light and humorous and took a turn to melancholy and thought-provoking. On our next call, Chris was very candid and began to tell me that he had a powerful desire to be a father and he wanted to be a “parental unit” with me! Then he asked me what I wanted. My first words were, that ship has sailed, my uterus is a desert, wait, you're joking, right? I mean, I had spent most of my adult life answering the waitress at Denny's when she asked: "how would you like your eggs?" with a sassy "UNFERTILIZED!".}   

_{LOVE. I have loved Christopher Willis since I was in my early 20's, he was 19, and we were in a Jesus band together in California. I knew this man and stayed in close contact throughout our lives. He was my go-to when something good/bad or ugly happened, but I DID...NOT...SEE...THIS...COMING!} 

_{Within' one month, I had resigned from my custom job, packed up, moved to Atlanta and without figuring out one single HOW, trusted my WHY'S.}  

_{I decided to have a baby starting at age 47 because I was deeply in love with Christopher K Willis and it felt natural to want to have a piece of both of us live on in another human. I wanted to make a baby with HIM! I had the urge to be a mum because I realized that I had lessons, memories, philosophies and song ideas that I wanted to pass on to some little on this planet. I wanted to continue the story of my mum, Chris’ mum, my dad, Chris’ dad and our grandparents. I wanted someone to know the story about how Chris and I met, how much we care about each other. and how full circle our love is. I also had this notion that what Chris and I had learned in our lives was worth passing on to someone else someone who might go on to do great things on this planet.}

_{Also, I looked around and saw an insane number of kids who were assholes and thought someone has to balance them out. Since then, I have learned that ALL kids are assholes from time to time, even mine, and that's just a fact.}

_{I had travelled my face off, done my share of partying, and fulfilled many career markers and realized that I had a massive heart full of love and wanted an opportunity to care for and serve someone other than myself. I need to be very clear that my last statement is NOT a judgement of people who decide not to have kids. Their whys are valid too!}  

_{There was also a part of me that was afraid I was going to die alone and although there is no guarantee that a kid is going to be the solution to that issue, I felt at least I'd have a shot at being taken care of in my golden years. Fear of dying alone by itself is perhaps not a solid reason to have a baby but I need you to know that among the love and legacy my there are “other” thoughts.. Not always pretty, but I’m determined to be honest about all of it, not just the neat and tidy!}

_{When I sorted through all my whys, I was all in!}

_{For me, it was essential to identify, be honest with, and LOVE my whys to balance out all my thoughts of:} 

• _{is this crazy,}
• _{is it worth the risk,}
• _{is it fair to this child,}
• _{is it selfish,}
• _{will it enrich or wreck my life?}

_{My why's overpowered every other thought.}

_{What are YOUR whys?}